I never have nothing to say about this

I have this...we'll say friend for ease. He is the same age as me. Thinking of him lights a fire inside of me that could burn through my soul if I let it. Dramatic? maybe. This guy just doesn't get it. He drives me insane when I think of all the things he's done. He has little regard for anyone else and only considers his personal irrational emotions in situations. He shuts down and does not listen and try to understand where you are coming from in an argument and spills verbal attacks at you in an attempt to block the realization that he is less than perfect and probably at fault. He is unreasonable by any means of the word. Once it hits him that you are right and he has exhausted ever means to counter that, enter self pity. "Is this only my fault?" "Can you blame me for reacting this way?" These make sense for a few seconds until you realize that still, he is not confronting the problem at hand. I was on vacation once for a week. He sent me a text message stating that I was only his friend when it was convienent for me and that that was unfair. This was because I had not called him during my week long absense, and it was in the middle of it, not even a week had gone by. Being the girl that I am I attempted to call him many times to explain things and to make things right. He did not pick up at all. How do you call someone out like that, first of all when it isnt true and I was on vacation, and then not pick up the phone when they try to make it right? WTF. Thanks for ruining my vacation. This is one of many times. Our friendship is now over. I cannot bring myself to make things right with him because I know that simply he won't understand. He'll shut down and avoid the problems at hand. He won't listen and somehow, it will be my fault when he's the one that stopped calling me a few months ago. Of course I want to make things right with everyone. I especially want him to understand what happened. I'm sure he has some warped view that I stopped talking to him when I have the phone records to prove it. I just don't understand how a person ends up this way. His family seems stable for the most part and there are some things that could have changed his view on life, but to this extent? How does your head lead you to this place where you are not the one to blame ever? Its just this downward spiral of selfishness and irrationality. I just cannot believe that a person without larger mental disorders exists. I am for the large part unable to understand that what I feel and what I say about him are really ok thoughts to have. That I will encounter these people in my life. That its ok to move on without trying to fix something that will always be broken. I feel like a horrible person for it because I know that in his web of thoughts, he thinks I am to blame when every problem we've ever had was because of him. And really, I just want him to know how I feel, but I am completely unable to deal with the consequences of voicing my pain to him. Man, this sucks.

Michael

So I love soda. Once in a while on my way to school I'll stop and pick up a fountain drink. One day I went to this gas station by the freeway because it was just that, by the freeway and at the time, I didn't normally go there. Anywho, I walk in and at the register is this guy I've known since....psh, 3rd-4th grade or so. I didn't think he remembered me. Anyway, my first thought of him, like it usually is of people in his postion, are that in this time since we've been out of high school, he hasn't done much with himself. I mean, hes working at a gas station, which I personally consider the job you get when you absolutely can't get a job anywhere else. Basically, I start judging and I do hold some disdain for him considering he didn't seem to remember me and we went to school together for so long. It's mostly sad to me, that people with all these opportunities in life end up bypassing them all to work at places such as a gas station. And more importantly, hes only 22...his whole life is ahead of him.
I believe it was yesterday, I returned to the gas station on my way to school to retrive my beloved soda. He rang me up this time. I go to pay and he says, "nah, dont worry about it, have a good one." I smile, thank him and return to my car. My mind stopped dead in its tracks. For me this wasnt about a free soda. It was about the fact that I had judged someone based on the few facts I did know about him without considering all options. He obviously had remembered me which means a lot considering I didn't have many friends and he was one of the more popular guys. And really, he could be going to school at night or this could be an extra job (still doubtful) or just something more promising than what I had laid out for him in my head. Maybe he just hasn't had the right encouragement in his life to drive him somewhere better. No matter what, I realize I should hold my immediate judgements aside in the case that I'm beyond wrong....which is more likely than not.

The Journey

I met this lady the other day. I wonder if she knew she had a lasting impression on me. She spoke of a conversation she had with God. He had asked her what she wanted to do with her life. She had thought long and hard about this question and proceeded to tell me of her journey to business school and her dream to design lingerie. Some may mock this conversation of hers and regardless of who she spoke to or your personal beliefs, something powerful encouraged a woman in her 30s+ to go to college to seek a better life doing something she loves. One can only applaud that kind of drive and motivation. Whether its now or 10 years from now, no matter your position in life, a person who wants something more gets a page in my book. She showed me in a short 10 minutes that no one would mess with her "megabytes" on her newly purchased laptop, and that really anyone, especially myself, can do whatever they dream. To never give up on those dreams because there is always plenty of time to accomplish everything that you dream of doing. That life is a journey that never ends and that I have only just started that journey.

Here it goes....

So I have other blogs of various topics, and being the person that I am, I don't like to mix things together. I like for people to be able to expect a certain something from me and get it topic wise in blogs, not this weird off the wall out of nowhere post. That said, I have created this blog withthe purpose of coming out of nowhere and voicing my opinion. I hate feeling like I can't say something I want to say for fear of being wrongly judged or of being accused of being a certain way. Therefore, anything goes on this blog. Any opinion I feel the need to post will be posted. There will be many rants and lots of bitching. I'm not seeking people to agree with me, but moreso people who can understand where I'm coming from and appreciate it. Also, lots of sarcasm. : ) Hope you enjoy.